


How You Brought CrissColfer Together

by ChrisCalledMeSweetie



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Eventual Smut, Fluff, Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-26
Updated: 2013-03-29
Packaged: 2017-12-06 13:17:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/736124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisCalledMeSweetie/pseuds/ChrisCalledMeSweetie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fantasy in which you catch Chris Colfer’s attention, you and Chris hatch a plan, Darren falls into your trap, the three of you come together, and it’s all good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which You Catch Chris Colfer's Attention

**Author's Note:**

> This story is told from your perspective as a woman. If you don’t happen to be a woman, you’re more than welcome to read it, but you may have to use your imagination a little bit.

Los Angeles, July 26, 2012

You’re trying hard not to squeal like a 14-year-old girl as you wait in line at Barnes and Noble, clutching a bag with both the hardcover and audio book versions of The Land of Stories. You can’t believe you’re actually going to meet Chris Colfer. 

You realize that your huge crush on him is completely inappropriate – because of course you respect the fact that he’s gay – but how could you possibly be expected to resist his perfection? How could anyone?

After what feels like an eternity, the line finally begins to move. As you inch forward, you’re second-guessing your wardrobe choice. 

You’d considered coming as your favorite character from the book, because of that tweet Chris had sent out months ago, but had decided against it on the grounds that waiting in line dressed as Porridge might be a little embarrassing. Plus, none of your friends was willing to be the back end of the horse.

So you’re wearing a shirt with a stylized origami llama on the front, and you’ve brought Chris a llama-themed present, as well. It’s a mouse pad that you found online entitled “Starry Night with Two Llamas.” The background is Vincent Van Gogh’s famous painting, and some twisted genius has seamlessly inserted a photo of a mom and baby llama into the foreground. You hope Chris likes it.

Finally, you reach the table where Chris is sitting. He looks up at you with those gorgeous eyes of his (and is it a trick of the light, or do his eyes actually sparkle?) and the first words out of his mouth are “I like your shirt.” 

You smile and blush and stammer out a “Thank you” as you push the mouse pad towards him, babbling something about knowing how much he loves llamas. Chris takes the time to really look at the picture, smiling and saying, “Wow, this is one I didn’t have. Thank you, Sweetie.” 

Oh my God! He called you Sweetie! You try to pull yourself together enough to get out a coherent sentence. You manage to say something about hoping he can use the mouse pad while he’s writing the sequel.

Chris smiles at you again and takes your book to sign it. As he returns it, you impulsively grab his hand. He looks taken aback for a moment, but then smiles once more and gives your hand a little squeeze before letting go.

A store employee moves in to hurry you along, and you realize that there are still hundreds of people waiting in line to get their books signed. As you’re being ushered out, you cast one last look back at Chris, and you could swear he winks at you. By the time you reach the street, your legs are shaking so hard you can barely jump up and down. But of course you do. Why even try not to squeal?

… Three weeks later …

You’re not stalking Chris Colfer. Really, you’re not. Is it your fault if you frequent the same coffee shop? 

The first couple of times you run into him, you smile shyly, and he smiles back, with a look that says you seem vaguely familiar but he can’t quite place you. Finally, it occurs to you to wear the llama shirt for your next trip to the coffee shop. As soon as Chris sees you, his eyes light up.

“Hi,” he says brightly. “Thanks for the mouse pad. It’s Brian’s new favorite place to sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	2. In Which You and Chris Hatch a Plan

… Two months later …

You must have been a saint in a past life. It’s the only explanation you can find for the miracle that is your life right now. 

Somehow, you and Chris Colfer have become friends. Not just friendly acquaintances, but actual, real-life friends. The kind of friends who text each other constantly, hang out at his place over-looking the canyon, and tell each other everything. 

Well, almost everything. You’ve never mentioned your little crush on him. And Chris seems to be holding back on something, too. 

Why is it that although you’ve met most of his other glee cast-mates, you’ve never met Darren? And why is it that a faint blush creeps into his pale cheeks whenever Darren’s name is even mentioned?

Finally, you just have to ask. You don’t want to overstep any boundaries, but you figure that you and Chris have grown close enough that he won’t mind if you bring it up.

“So, Chris,” you begin one afternoon, as you sit on his sofa, with your feet on his coffee table, and his head in your lap, “What’s going on with you and Darren?”

To his credit, Chris doesn’t try to pretend that he doesn’t know what you’re talking about. He takes a deep breath and says, “Oh, Sweetie, I’ve got a horrible crush on him, and it’s killing me.”

He looks so vulnerable; your heart goes out to him. You bend down and kiss him on the forehead, then take his hand in yours as you gaze into his eyes. “You’ve got it bad, huh?”

Chris groans. “I try not to think about it. That’s why I’ve never wanted you meet Darren. I knew that as soon as you saw us together you’d figure it out, because you can always see right through me. And then you’d want to talk about it. And that would just make it all the more real. Which it can’t be. Because he’s never going to feel the same way about me. So the best I can do is try to shut those feelings down and just be his friend.”

“Oh, Chris,” you say, running the fingers of your free hand through his hair, “I’m so sorry. If you don’t want to talk about it, I’ll never mention it again. But you know I’m always here for you, if you do want to talk.”

Chris closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them again he looks right at you and smiles. “It’s okay,” he says. “I think maybe it would help if I did talk to you about it. You always know the right thing to say.”

So you and Chris talk about it. For hours. For days. Now that Chris has decided to open up about his feelings for Darren, he holds nothing back. He shares his every thought, every feeling, every hope, every frustration. The two of you discus everything Darren has ever said, ever done, ever implied, ever hinted at. It all boils down to one crucial question: is there any chance of getting Chris and Darren together?

Always the optimist, your answer to that question is definitely yes. Everything Chris has told you about Darren, combined with your extensive (okay, maybe obsessive) internet research, has given you a pretty good idea of what it would take to seduce him.

When you share your intel with Chris, he seems surprised by how much you know about Darren. 

“What are you, some kind of cyber-stalker?” he asks playfully. 

“So what if I am?” you tease back. “Do you have a problem with that?”

“Not if it helps me get into Darren’s pants, I don’t.”

“Chris!” you gasp in mock horror. “And here I thought you were such an innocent.”

“I may be a 22-year-old virgin,” Chris deadpans, “but that doesn’t mean I intend to remain one.” 

So you and Chris hatch a plan based around some key things you know about Darren. Number one, he likes girls (hey – you’re a girl – score one already) but also doesn’t care whether someone is “gay, straight, purple, orange or dinosaur.” Number two, he’s said “people who understand the dynamics of a conversation - that is the sexiest thing in the world” and “smart is key… people like to wake up next to smart.” Score two – since you and Chris are both brilliant. Finally, and most importantly, Darren’s always open to new experiences. So you’re going to offer him something completely new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	3. In Which Darren Falls Into Your Trap

Phase one of your plan is put into motion at Matthew Morrison’s Halloween party. That’s when Chris introduces you to Darren.

The first thing you notice about Darren is that he’s even sexier in person than you thought he’d be. The second thing you notice is how open, friendly, and charming he is. These qualities make you all the more excited about your plan. 

The third thing you notice is the connection between Darren and Chris. Neither man may be consciously aware of Darren’s attraction toward Chris, but you see the spark immediately. The feelings that have been tormenting Chris are definitely not as unrequited as he thinks.

Phase two of your plan takes three months and a lot of patience. Fortunately, you and Chris both know a lot about working hard to get what you want. Whenever one of you starts to get discouraged, the other is there with a hug and a pep talk.

Finally, you decide that you’ve laid the groundwork as well as you can. You, Chris, and Darren have become inseparable friends, and there’s no way for you to get any closer without changing the entire nature of your relationship. Which is exactly what you hope to accomplish. It’s time for phase three.

You choose an evening when the three of you are hanging out at Chris’s house, relaxing after an excellent dinner. With a significant glance in your direction while Darren isn’t looking, Chris casually proposes, “Let’s play ‘I Never.’” You quickly agree, and Darren laughingly goes along with the suggestion. 

You’re each holding a glass of red wine – not the usual fare for a drinking game, but you and Chris had discussed this before hand, and had decided that it was important for everyone to remain relatively sober while you put your plan into effect. You may have been plotting behind Darren’s back for months to seduce him, but you and Chris both need to be sure that whatever happens tonight is truly something Darren wants, and not just a drunken mistake.

After a couple of innocuous rounds of the game, designed just to loosen things up, you say, “I never asked a woman to help me seduce a man.”

Chris drinks.

Then Chris says, “I never masterminded a scheme to help a friend lose his virginity to someone he’s had a crush on for years.”

You drink.

Then you say, “Well, I never used a game of ‘I Never’ as part of a plan to have sex with my best male friend and best female friend simultaneously.”

Chris drinks.

Darren starts to interrupt with, “Hey, that was supposed to be my turn,” but then does a double take. Staring at you he asks, “Wait, did you just say what I think you said?” And then, with a long look at Chris, “And did you just drink?”

You both look back at Darren, half hopeful, half stunned by your own boldness. There’s a moment of silence, and then Chris says, “Your turn, Darren.”

You can see the wheels spinning in Darren’s head as he glances back and forth between you and Chris, trying to read your expressions. He swallows hard and then says, “I never could pass up an opportunity like this.”

No one drinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	4. In Which You All Come Together

You, Chris, and Darren are standing in Chris’s bedroom. The three of you are holding hands, and suddenly you’re feeling shy. Hesitantly you ask, “Are we really going to do this?”

Darren looks at you, then at Chris, and a big, goofy smile appears on his face. Chris grins back at the two of you. In a perfect Kurt manner he says, “Oh, it’s on, bitches!” 

The three of you burst out laughing, and suddenly all the awkwardness is gone. Chris tugs on your linked hands, and you tumble in a tangled heap onto his king sized bed.  
Chris gives you a quick, sweet kiss, then squeezes your hand as he gives a much more passionate kiss to Darren. And why do you find that so incredibly hot? 

When the two men break apart, Darren has a dazed look on his face. “I’m totally into this,” he blurts out, “but I have to admit that I really don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Don’t worry, Dare,” Chris tells him with a playful swat to his ass. “You just take care of her, and I’ll take care of you.”

“Now that, I can do,” Darren says, winking at you. “You just lie back and get comfortable, Honey, and let us do all the work.” 

Well, who are you to argue?

Darren slowly, almost reverently, begins to peel off your clothes. Each time he removes a layer, Chris takes off a similar item of Darren’s clothing. Soon, the two of you are completely naked.

When you’re finally able to tear your gaze away from the perfection that is Darren’s naked body, you realize that Chris is still fully dressed. “Need some help?” you ask him. 

Smiling at each other, you and Darren remove Chris’s clothes. Although you’ve been friends with Chris for what seems like forever, you’ve never seen him naked. As amazing as he always looks, nothing could have prepared you for the sight that meets your eyes now. Judging by the way Darren’s mouth is hanging open and his pupils are dilated, you can tell he feels the same.

Chris pushes you back down on the bed. “You know, if I wasn’t gay I’d be all over you,” he says seriously, bringing your hand to his lips for a tender kiss. “You’re really beautiful.”

“Beautiful?” interjects Darren. “More like supermegafoxyawesomehot!”

You giggle at the AVPM reference and pull Darren down for a kiss. It’s the first time your lips have met, and you revel in the warmth and softness of his mouth. As the kiss grows more heated, you realize what Chris meant in that interview when he said, “Damn, Darren – I need a cigarette now!”

By the time Darren pulls away, you feel a little breathless.

Can this really be happening? Darren’s lying next to you, propped up slightly on one elbow. Chris is leaning against the headboard, looking down at the two of you with an odd mixture of fondness and something much darker in his eyes.

Darren begins running his hands slowly over your body. You can feel the difference between the smooth fingers of his right hand and the guitar-calloused fingertips of his left. The contrast is strangely exciting.

Chris licks his lips, and then very deliberately begins mirroring Darren’s actions. Everywhere Darren touches you, Chris touches Darren. You can sense the shift in Darren’s energy the moment he realizes what Chris is doing. Suddenly he’s not just exploring your body, but also showing Chris what he’d like to have done to his own.

When Darren’s lips find your neck, he stretches out his own neck for Chris to take. As he kisses his way down to your nipple, he tilts his chest up to give Chris better access to his own. Your gasps become Darren’s gasps, your shudders become Darren’s shudders, your moans become Darren’s moans. It’s the sexiest echo you’ve ever heard. 

As Darren begins trailing his mouth enticingly down your body, you feel Chris pull him away from you. You’re about to slap Chris upside the head in frustration, but he pats your hip and urges, “Come on, Sweetie. We just need to do a little rearranging to make this next part work.”

With choreography skills to rival those of Zach Woodlee, Chris manages to get the three of you into position. Darren’s lying in the center of the bed, on his back with his knees apart. You’ve got your shins on the bed, knees on either side of Darren’s head, and you’re sitting back against his chest. Chris is between Darren’s legs with a smug expression on his face.

Chris may be a virgin, but either he’s been studying a lot of porn, or he’s just a natural when it comes to sex, because he is definitely the one in control here. Which is just fine with you.

Chris smacks you lightly on the ass and orders, “Lean forward, Sweetie, and let Darren show you what he can do with his tongue.” You don’t need to be told twice. 

You rest your arms against Chris’s padded headboard, and drop your head down onto them as you feel Darren’s fingers spreading you open. You cry out as Darren’s tongue begins to work its magic. 

Glancing back over your shoulder, you can see that Chris is once again following Darren’s movements, this time with a few obviously necessary adjustments. Darren’s hands are on your hips, and his fingers are digging into your ass as he clutches at you reflexively whenever Chris does something particularly amazing with his mouth. Which seems to be almost continuously.

Suddenly Darren’s tongue leaves you as he drops his head back onto the pillow with a frustrated groan when Chris pulls away from him. “Why did you stop? Don’t stop!” Darren begs. Your sentiments exactly.

Chris smirks up at the two of you, and if you didn’t love him so much, in that moment you could almost hate him. But then he redeems himself by saying, “Don’t worry, Dare. We’re just getting started. I know that she can go all night,” winking at you, “but I don’t want you to run out of steam before we get to the good stuff.”

“What do you mean?” Darren pleads. “This is all good stuff.”

“Oh, Baby,” Chris says fondly. “You really don’t know what you’re in for, do you?”

And then Chris is back in director mode, setting the stage for his next act. When he’s finally satisfied, you’re on your back with two pillows beneath your hips. Darren’s on his hands and knees, with his head between your legs. And Chris is standing at the foot of the bed, with one hand on the small of Darren’s back.

In his other hand, Chris is holding a bottle of lube. Darren looks curiously over his shoulder at Chris. His eyes move down to the bottle of lube, then back up to Chris’s face. Chris arches one eyebrow. “She’s self-lubricating, Dare. You’re not,” he explains. 

Your snort of laughter is cut off abruptly as Darren dips his head down to lick at your clit. He drops his weight onto his left forearm, freeing up his right hand. With one finger he begins to circle your entrance, which, as Chris so helpfully pointed out, is definitely self-lubricating.

If you tilt your head a little, you can watch the whole scene in the mirrored closet doors on the wall of Chris’s bedroom. You stare in fascination as Chris runs one slick finger up and down between Darren’s cheeks. You know this is driving Darren wild by the frantic way he’s licking at your clit. The moment Chris’s finger begins to disappear into Darren’s ass, Darren lets out a loud groan and pushes his own finger deep inside you.

Darren sounds completely wrecked, and you reach out instinctively to cover his left hand with your own, twining the fingers of your other hand into his soft curls. He lifts his head a little to look up at you gratefully. You smile down at him for a moment, then throw your head back as he goes to work once again with his incredible tongue.

Chris is sliding his finger slowly in and out of Darren, and this time it’s Darren mirroring Chris’s movements as he works his finger in you. You can feel Darren tense for an instant as Chris adds a second finger. Then Darren adds a second finger of his own, releasing a heavy sigh, as if being able to transmit a similar sensation makes it easier for him to bear. 

Darren crooks his fingers up, and - Oh My God! – so that’s your G-spot. It feels as if every atom in your body has both expanded and simultaneously contracted to a single point of focus. Moments later, Darren cries out against you, and you realize that Chris has found his prostate.

By this point, it feels like you and Darren are one being, and all either of you want is more. More tongue, more fingers, more friction, more pressure, more thrusting, more everything. And then suddenly you’re coming like you’ve never come before, crying out and clenching around Darren’s fingers as wave after wave grabs you and pulls you under.

In your blissed-out state, you barely register Darren’s small whine of protest as Chris withdraws his fingers. Through half-closed eyes, you watch dreamily as Chris rolls a condom onto Darren and then one onto himself. Darren is pliant as Chris once again maneuvers him into a new position. 

This time, Darren is in what your yoga instructor might refer to as “child’s pose,” although there’s something very adult about it in this particular context. His ass is resting on his heels, with his thighs under yours, on either side of your hips, while his upper body is flush with yours. It’s a perfect position in which to kiss him, so you do. The taste of yourself on his lips leaves you tingling.

Darren returns your kiss hungrily, eyes blown wide. With a roll of his hips, he pushes inside you. You still haven’t come down from your orgasm, and the feel of him sends shudders through your entire body.

Meanwhile, Chris is on his knees behind Darren. He grasps Darren’s hips and slowly but firmly pulls him backward. As Darren begins to slide out of you, Chris begins to slide into Darren. Darren gasps against your mouth, then drops his head and pants into your neck as Chris fills him completely. 

Chris reaches one hand forward and tenderly trails his fingers down your cheek to your lips, where you kiss at them briefly before he continues on, running his fingers through Darren’s now-damp curls and then down the length of his spine. “You’re okay, Baby,” he says. “We’ve got you.” 

Chris drops down to his hands and knees, draping his chest across Darren’s back. He dips down to give you a light kiss, then tips Darren’s face up to kiss him, too. 

Darren hums contentedly, and finally begins to move. Almost languidly, he rocks his hips down to thrust back into you, then arches his back to pull out and allow Chris to thrust into him. Darren’s leaning on one elbow, and the fingers of his other hand are teasing around your nipple. Each time Darren enters you, his lips and tongue find yours. Each time Chris enters him, Darren tips his head to the side and gasps, rolling your nipple firmly between his fingers.

Just as you feel ready to burst from the exquisite torture of this slow drag in and out, Chris gets a dangerous gleam in his eye. He leans forward and takes hold of one of your hands, bringing it over your head and pinning it firmly to the bed. The juxtaposition between the comforting feeling of his fingers intertwined with yours and the vulnerable feeling of being held down leaves you dizzy. Looking you directly in the eye, he asks, “Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” you breathe out, at the same time as you hear Darren say, “Of course.”

“Good,” Chris growls. And then he’s fucking you both. His hips are slamming into Darren’s ass, pounding Darren deeper inside you, fast and rough and deliciously good. 

Someone’s moaning, and someone’s laughing, and someone’s crying, and you can’t tell where one of you begins and the others leave off. 

Your orgasm explodes inside of you and it doesn’t stop. Your whole body is shaking convulsively. You see stars, then white, then blackness. With each thrust from Chris into Darren into you there are new cascades of pleasure, until you feel completely wrung out. By the time Darren and Chris have come themselves and collapsed on top of you, your body is so sensitized that every breath brings on aftershocks of orgasm.

Before their weight can become uncomfortable, Chris rolls off of Darren, who rolls off of you, eliciting a little whimper of protest. You look from one to the other, realizing that Chris is the only one of you who isn’t crying. Instead, he’s beaming down at you both. His face has never looked more angelic.

“Damn,” is all he says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review.


	5. In Which It's All Good

When you return from the bathroom, Chris and Darren are lying on the bed facing each other. Chris’s hand is on Darren’s face, and they’re kissing tenderly. You can feel your heart swelling with love for both of them.

You’re about to slip back out of the room to give them some privacy (which you know doesn’t make any sense given what the three of you have just experienced together) when Darren looks up and catches your eye. “Come here,” he says, patting the bed between himself and Chris. “It’s your turn to be in the middle.”

Gratefully, you slide into bed between your two favorite men. Darren rolls over and pulls your arm around him, bringing his back to your chest. Chris curls around you from behind, draping his arm across you both. The three of you interlace your fingers.

Just as you start to wonder whether they’ve both fallen asleep, Chris says quietly, “We’ll have to do that again sometime.”

“Definitely,” Darren agrees.

You give their fingers a squeeze in acknowledgement, then drift off to sleep.

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Please review. ☺


End file.
